Word Makeover — Polyamorous Relationship

Promiscuity gets a Glamorous Makeover

Photo by JOSHUA COLEMAN on Unsplash

The word ‘promiscuity’ seems to have gotten yet another makeover. Last time it was called ‘open relationship’. This time, it got glammed up as ‘polyamorous relationship’. I do think this sounds way glamorous than ‘open relationship’, which frankly sounds a little on the nose.

Let us try to understand the term. The word ‘poly’ means many or multiple and the word ‘amorous’ means horny or lustful. Therefore, the word ‘polyamorous’ could mean ‘multiple-horniness’, which I am hoping would be the next new word for promiscuity. If horniness multiplies itself constantly, then there is no time to commit to an earnest relationship. So, let’s drop the word relationship, because that word seems redundant. So the word is polyamorous.

One person who might be glad about the glamorous word-makeover is the current occupant of the White House. The seventy-three year old man was so poly in his amorousness that he violated the federal election campaign law with a porn star. We may not hear about the other stories of our polyamorous President, because those were suppressed by his friend and pathetic-excuse-for-a-journalist, Mr. David Pecker, in a sleazy tabloid tradition called “catch-and-kill”.

The family-values Republican Party sold out like cheap ‘Friends with benefits’, along with the Christian Evangelicals who are still enamored with Trump. Maybe, the latter should get a word makeover all their own and call themselves “Trumpelangicals”.

Our President is so polyamorous, that his entire life could be defined by it. If he were William Shakespeare, he would have written:

“All the world’s a bigly polyamorous stage,
And all the men and women randy covfefes.”

The man has no boundaries or limits. He seems to presume that everyone is a lump of horniness like him and therefore, everyone is promiscuous just like him. That was probably why he grabbed many women by their “amorousness”, without consent. Such acts of aggression has led several women to accuse President Trump of sexual assault and sexual harassment.

Unlike President Trump, I am sure the polyamorous people are decent enough to know the importance of assent. One can be promiscuous, but doesn’t have to harm or hurt another, either physically or psychologically.

On that note, I hope the polyamorous people come clean about their promiscuity right at the beginning of a new relationship so that they do not get involved with someone who is monoamorous, whose need for commitment and fealty would be incompatible with the polyamorous lifestyle. Why cause a needless heartbreak?

Also, there is a higher probability that the polyamorous could give some type of STD to the monoamorous rather than the other way around. Talking about STDs, once diagnosed, keep multiple copies of the medical report for quick circulation and possible cross-reference.

So, go forth multiple-horny people, go and land those special several. In doing that, remember, you can come up with all kinds of fancy words for promiscuousness, but your actions are old as humanity itself and trying to whitewash it with a word-makeover is not going to change that fact.

To borrow a dialogue from “Two and Half Men”, where Dr. Pranjeep tells the polyamorous Charlie Harper, “You can put tuxedo on a goat. But, still a goat.” (Season 5, Episode 1. Large Bird, Spiders and Mom)