….while, on Planet Primitive, in the nation of Dysfunction, it was the year 140 BTLM(Before The Lone Man). A hundred thousand men had gathered in the nation’s capital to protest the passing of a bill into law.
The throng of protesters gathered around the parliament building spilled on to the adjacent street, flowing to the other end where the wrought iron fence surrounded the Presidential palace.
The protesters chanted slogans and banged on the fence from time to time, expressing discontent. The placards and banners they held cried out the deplorable state of men in the matriarchal nation of Dysfunction. Any minute now the parliament would finish voting on the ‘Neutralization Bill’. The air was thick with tension.
Within the compounds of the Parliament and the Palace stood a barricade of the Women’s Elite Police force, armed with taser and guns, ready to go off at the slightest provocation. A tall wrought iron fence separated the mob from the police. The clamor was growing, the police tense, and braced for the uproar.
‘For those of you joining us now at the top of the hour, this is the live coverage of the protest at our nation’s capital here, on STV,’ said the perfectly groomed news anchor, from her comfortable perch at the studios of State Television.
‘As many of you already know, the cause for this latest furor among men is the Neutralization bill which is very likely to pass in the parliament today. Joining me here at the studios is Ms. Love, from the Preserve Humanity Institute.
‘Ms. Love, you led the study that has led to this contentious stand-off between the government and the protesters. Could you please tell us more about this study?’
‘First, thank you for having me here. My colleagues at the institute grew envious when I told them about being on your show.
‘Now, about the study… the idea originated when a study on primates revealed that middle-aged primates tend to be more unfaithful to their families than the younger ones.
‘So, we decided to apply that theory to our male population and started to study a group of involuntary participants. Turned out, when men neared the age of forty, they became more confused about their identity. In addition, having to confront their mortality for the first time in their life, leaves them feeling vulnerable. This inadequacy gives them the ‘wandering eye,’ which in turn threatens to undermine the stability of the individual family.’
‘After you published the study, the Committee for Stable Families took it up and drafted the ‘Neutralization Bill’. Is that correct?’
‘Yes, absolutely,’ beamed Ms. Love. ‘We published the study and made the recommendation that men over forty be neutered. This reduces their libido and they tend to stay in monogamous relationships.’
‘Now, you said that the study was made up of involuntary participants.’
‘Yes.’
‘So, the participants did not know they were being studied?’
‘Yes.’
‘Now, why did you do that?’
‘Because… if the subjects knew about it, that would affect their natural behavior, which would in turn would affect the study’s objectivity and render the results erroneous. But one thing we made sure was to get the consent from the wives of the subjects.’
‘So the concerned parties knew about the study.’
‘Of course, otherwise it would be a violation of the individual’s privacy.’ Ms. Love declared solemnly.
‘Well, since I have to be fair to the other side, how do you respond to the criticism that the study was prejudiced against men and that it was done to suit the forgone conclusion that is the Neutralization Bill?’
‘I completely disagree with that argument. The subjects were chosen randomly, from across the various demographics. I can walk you through a step-by-step break-up of the entire process, starting from the criteria used for selecting the subjects, till we arrived at the conclusive results. The numbers are all there and we at the Preserve Humanity Institute would be more than happy to clarify it for anyone in doubt.’
‘How many men according to your study committed adultery?’
‘Forty-one percent.’
‘Then why does the bill state that every man over forty years must be neutralized.’
‘Because,’ said Ms. Love emphatically, ‘when it comes to our families, we cannot leave anything to chance. Families are the heartbeat of our society. If there is even a remote chance that the core unit of our society is being threatened, the world as we know will perish.’
‘Your passion is admirable Ms. Love,’ said the news anchor as a smile of satisfaction flashed across her face.
‘Thank you for being on our show. Now let us turn to our statistician, Ivy Palmer. Ivy, tell me how does the vote look?’
Ivy stood before several plasma screens with various charts and diagrams, which demonstrated her ability with numbers.
‘The numbers look good for the bill to pass. There are twelve men and one hundred and ninety-eight women in the parliament. My sources tell me that voting is likely to be along gender lines. So, in a few moments, the Neutralization Bill will become the law of the land.’
‘Thank you Ivy. Now, let us go to Kelly who has some breaking news.’
‘Kelly, what is the update?’
‘The voting is over and the bill has passed. As you can see, the legislators are leaving the parliament building for a much-needed break. It has been a grueling two weeks full of debates and filibuster. Now that the law has passed, they are starting a two weeks recess from today.’
‘Kelly, what is happening behind you?’
‘The news of the vote reached the protesters and they became violent. A number of them climbed over the fence and started to charge toward the Presidential Palace, where the signing ceremony was taking place. The police opened fire to stop them.
‘A minute ago it was such a pandemonium. But the police have the situation under control now. You can see them arresting the agitators. So, things have calmed down a little bit.’
‘Are there any casualties?’
‘Not as far as I know. But some of them have been injured and as you can see, the paramedics are attending to them.’
‘It looks like a beautiful day out there.’
‘Yes, it is.’
‘What a shame! Now you stay safe.’
‘I will. Thank you Nancy.’
‘Thank you Kelly for that brave coverage. Now for those of you joining us here, at the studio of STV, this is the continuing coverage of protests at our nation’s capital over the Neutralization Law.’
*
The host of the lone man’s Radio show said, ‘Yesterday, we lost more than a dozen of our brothers to police brutality. They ruthlessly opened fire on unarmed men who were only fighting against this human’s rights violation that they call the ‘Neutralization Law’. How could they open fire on our brothers who only fought for their most basic rights?
‘Of all the things these women have done to us this is the worst. They subjugate us and treat us like cattle. They tell us what to do and who to live with. They deny us higher education and better job opportunities and have only half a vote if you are a man.’
‘But this sham of a law goes beyond anything they have ever done to subjugate us. It violates our manhood because of a study made by a bunch of extremists with a narrow agenda.
‘They cannot mutilate us. We will not be humiliated like this anymore. We will not tolerate any more injustice. Let us march on, my friends, until we are free from oppression.
‘Let us march, my friends, until we overthrow our women overlords!
‘Join me brothers, in this fight for our lives and freedom!’
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LM Expressions 